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- The Coming One
- Forgiveness Made Possible
- The Innkeeper's Wife
- Do You Have The Right Words?
- The Lamb of God As Told by a Scribe
- What Love Is This?
- When Heaven Came Down
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I write about what matters...to you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what matters...to Him.
Sonya Contreras
Where You Go, I Will Go
Ruth said this, not to her husband (who had died), but to her mother-in-law. They left her land because of a famine to return to her mother-in-law's land.
Ruth would leave the support of her family, her comfortable surroundings, what she knew and go with her mother-in-law.
Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay.
I often see this verse at weddings, but do we women want to go anywhere our husbands go?
Reading the life of David Livingston, I would not want to be his wife, Mary. She followed her husband across the Kalahari desert—twice. She lost a child shortly after birth, suffered a stroke, and died of malaria—all because she went where her husband went.
William Carey’s wife, Dorothy, went with him to India, obeying outwardly, but inwardly resenting the entire adventure. She went mad.
Families today move to where the woman has a good job, requiring the man to tag along behind and hope for a job he can and wants to do—because the woman “makes more than the man.” What does that do to a man?
We have talked before about allowing our men to protect and provide for us. (SEE Letting Your Man Protect.
That is their role.
We. as women, tell ourselves that we want our men to lead us, but do we?
Or are we lip-sayers—telling our hearts what we should be doing, but knowing we are still in control?
We want our say, and that is fine. But our husbands are still responsible for where they lead their family.
It is not just in where we live that we must allow our husbands to lead. He must lead in all things, even spiritual— even if he is not a Christian.
Do you want your children to obey? When they see you manipulate your husband or be subversive in how you do things, it gives them “permission” to disobey. After all, mommy doesn’t obey daddy, why must we obey either of them?
Do you justify your own rebellion because your husband does not treat you well?
How do you respond when your children disobey you? Are you always controlled and without anger?
Is it any wonder your husband has trouble when you don’t respect him?
Instead of a united front before your children, you present an unstable foundation.
Your children will soon pit one parent against the other to achieve their own way—and win.
What if you know your husband is making a wrong, selfish decision?
Does that justify your disobedience? Do two wrongs ever make a right?
Yes, it’s not easy to live under someone who is selfish.
But by obeying, God blesses your obedience, in spite of his “wrong” decision.
We think when we “volunteer” our obedience to our husbands, they should appreciate it.
And perhaps they should, but that is our duty.
Isn’t that what we promised at the altar–obey them. That means go where they must go.
More importantly, isn’t that what God told us to do?
Submit to our husbands.
As my boys reach a certain “manhood” age and know my expectations, I approach them differently than a toddler.
When I know a son is going to argue and complain about what I tell him, I avoid him. I don’t ask him to do some jobs.
Instead of working as a family, he is left to do his own thing.
I don’t even want to be around him.
He argues with me. He questions everything I do.
I withdraw.
I avoid him.
I have to force myself to even talk to him.
Now consider your husband. If you argue with your husband about his decisions.
You question him, or even manipulate him to get what you want, is it any wonder he withdraws and does not lead? (Do you expect him to fight back? He won't.)
Why should he talk with you about the children, their education, or their actions when you will do what you want anyway?
Why speak, if he will be corrected and must defend every word?
Your husband does not lead, you do.
Do not deceive yourself into thinking you want your husband to lead. You enjoy the control it gives you.
But your foundation is not built on God’s principles, you will lose your children and your husband.
You will think, “Poor me, if only my husband would take an interest in us and care."
It is by your manipulation, correction, questioning, that he falls to silence and apathy.
You have destroyed your own house.
Not only in leading will you find that he is silent. Your rebellion will widen the gap between your relationship.
Why? He is disrespected.
Just as my relationship with a son who ignores my instruction becomes estranged, so your relationship with your husband will first become awkward, then strained.
Instead of going where he goes, you will spend time with your own hobbies, girl friends, or other ways not to be home.
Pretty soon he spends more time at work, or the gym, or somewhere else. Why come home?
He finds ways to be respected elsewhere, or feels depressed and doesn’t do anything. Instead of wanting to be with you, he finds reasons to be away.
[In Protecting Our Men, I described how we should draw our husbands home.]
You once walked together, but now your ways have widened and you are heading different directions.
You have lost your best friend.
Sometimes it is not to go where your husband goes, but to stay where your husband stays.
I see the direction of our state and want to run from it.
My husband feels no leading by God to leave. (If I’m honest, I don’t either, I just feel the fear that I must give back to God.)
I could make my husband's life miserable, by harassing, begging, nagging, suggesting (whatever you want to call it) him to change, so that he would do what I want.
But do I really want the responsibility of directing my family?
The weight when things go wrong would be great.
When my husband was deployed, he would remind me it was what God wanted—for the entire family.
I did not have to bear the weight of that responsibility. I did not have to second guess whether he should stay in the army. That is his decision. Yes, we talk about it. But he makes the ultimate decision. And I don't tell him, "I told you so," when things go wrong. He decides.
I just do the next thing that's required of me.
Nagging him to do what I want, not only distracts him from what he should be doing, but takes energy and time from what I should do.
God does not give me strength for that.
As his wife, I stay and do the next thing my husband needs.
Recently my husband made a quick trip to Monterrey for the army. He asked me to go.
Without thinking, I said, “Sure.”
Than my mom mode kicked in and I said, “What was I thinking? I must take Josh to baseball practice and work. And what about Jeremiah?”
The boys heard us talking. Josh said, “Go, Mom. I’ll work it out.”
I still hesitated. My mothering is at a different stage than before when I had little ones, but still the pull of mothering made me hesitate to go.
My husband encouraged me to “let them do it.”
I went with my husband. It was a wonderful quick trip.
The break was refreshing. It re-affirmed my boys concern and care. It was a good uninterrupted time with my husband.
It is not convenient nor easy to go. Getting the house, laundry, meals, garden—ready for just a two day trip sometimes seemed not worth it.
But I went where my husband was.
I did not spend the two days worrying about the boys. (My husband said they would take care of things. I trusted them.)
My husband knew my heart beats for him. For what he needs. For what he wants. He felt respected.
And I felt loved.
Where You Go, I Will Go. Where You Stay, I Will Stay.
It's not always easy, but is what we must do.
Let’s work to be women where our husbands are.
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Women's Roles
Find other articles about women's roles here:
The Sacrifice of Obedience
Why Boys Fight? And Is that Good?
Is Your Family Different?
Created for Him reprint
Gender Differences Backed by Science
What Should Men Do? reprint
Where Are the Men? reprint
What Is Man? reprint
Man VS Woman: Making Man Act Like a Woman
Man VS Woman: Is It Eqality We Seek? reprint
How Do You See Sin?
Marriage Is a Covenant before God
Are You Precious?
What's a Mother-In-Law To Do?
A Promise Is a Promise
Happily Ever After
Point Lobos, Monterrey
Where You Go, I Will Go
Protecting Our Men
What Makes a Marriage Work?
And the Two Shall Be One
Do You Let Your Husband Love You?
An Added Resource for You
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Can You Say, "No"?
Are You Losing Your Mind?
Expect Great Things from God
The Making of a Man part 4
The Making of a Man part 3
The Making of a Man part 2
The Making of a Man
What Kind of a Crown Are You?
Do You Like Your Husband?
Is Your Husband a Pushover?
Did You Marry a Crazy Man?
Is Your Husband Crushing You?
Are You Dependent?
Male vs Female: Is It Equality We Seek?
Are You a Nag?
Do You Have a Picky Eater?
A Way to a Man's Heart Is through His Stomach
Are You Challenged by Your Man's Challenges?
Happily Ever After
Are You Appreciated?
Do You Feel Loved?
Valentine's Day: A Day for Love?
Valentine's Day: Help Your Husband Out
Submission
Created for Him
Do You Help Your Husband?
Made To Conquer
Women Working
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Work?
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Stay at Home?
Margaret Thatcher, She Changed the
World, But What about Her
Family?
Biblical Manhood
Find more articles about Biblical Manhood here:
What Is Man?
Where Are the Men?
What Should a Man Do?
Biblical Womanhood
Find more articles about Womanhood here:
What Is Your Choice?
Letting Him Protect
Are You a Friend?
Who Controls the Money?
The Sacrifice of Thanksgiving: How
To Make Your Husband Love You
The Power of a Smile: How To
Make Your Husband Love You
Control
Superwoman: Is She Believable?
Author of Biblical fiction, married to my best friend, and challenged by eight sons’ growing pains as I write about what matters.
Motherhood
Find other articles about motherhood
here:
What's a Mom?
Memories of a Hero Mom
They Called Her Gammy
Are You Tired of the Same, Old Thing?
Who's Responsible for the Children
The Battle for Our Children
Dear Master of Hands
Close to Home
Reflections from a Mom
Just the Mother-In-Law
A Mom Who Knew Her Job
Letting Go of my Fourth Son
Making a House a Home
How Do I Pray?
Picking up Acorns
Changed by God
Last Times
Are You a Failure?
What To Do Now?
Are You Tired of the Same Old Thing?
What's in a Book, Anyway?
Marijuana, Mental Illness, and Violence
Confessions of a Desperate Mom
You Are Not Alone
A Wedding Remembered
Sunday Morning Excuses—Is It Worth It?
Stages of Parental Control
Homeschooling Myths Debunked
Seasons
Do You Know the Word?
Wake Up! Strengthen What Remains
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Are You Tired of Being a Mom?
A Day in a Mom's Life
What Talents Are You Wasting as a Mom?
What Have I Learned as a Mom?
What's in It for Me?
Adoption—The Heart of God
The Making of a Man part 4
The Making of a Man part 3
The Making of a Man part 2
The Making of a Man
Are Your Children Safe from Bullying?
Are Your Children Safe from Child-napping and Sexual Abuse?
Are Your Children Safe?
The Value of Remembering
Marjorie Rutherford: A Testimony to God's Faithfulness
Marjorie Conrad: A Testimony to God's Trustworthiness
Starting School Again
Dependence or Independence?
Breast Milk Made Especially for Your Child
What Is Essential for Babies?
My Space, My Time, My Needs
What's a Mom?
A Mother's Influence
A Mother of Boys
Prepare for the Lord: Thoughts for Moms from Exodus 19
Faith
Find more articles about faith here:
Dear Faithful and Loyal Readers
Life Falling Apart? Try Gratitude
A Few Words about Marriage
When Suffering Gets Personal
What an Amazing God We Serve
Response to Healthy Gaming
How Miserable Are You? Are You Happy?
The Need for Meaning Even in Pain
Reminders of What's Important
God's Unmeasurable Love
A Quarter of a Century Spent for Our Country
What Were You Thinking?
Who Are You Watching?
Boundaries for a Better Life
God's Boundaries
Memories of a Hero Mom
The Ripple Effect
How Do We Think Like Jesus
Litany of a Waiting Woman
Ever Cook a Frog?
New Year's Reminders
They Galled Her Gammy
When God Speaks
A Russian Christmas Story
Be Thankful
Be Grateful
Are You Tired of the Same, Old Thing?
(reprint)
Laughter—Why Laugh?
Mom
Are You Disturbed?
Unity of the Brothers
Encouragements To Declutter
Do You Have Too Much Stuff?
Too Much Stress
Getting Past the Noise—The Value of Silence
Are You Scatterbrained?
How Good Are You?
Looking for Something Good To Read?
A Cup of Cold Water
I Will Trust When I Cannot See
Encouragement—What Is It?
Being in God's Presence
"Einstein and the Professor"
When God Is Silent
Do You Crave Beauty?
Using Stories to Discipline
The Danger of the Wrong Story
Using Stories to Teach Lessons
God is in charge of the future
November Dare Joy Challenge
Ungratefulness
Developing an Attitude of Gratitude
Looking for Jesus
What Do Your Prayers Reflect?
Life's Little Pleasures
Daniel—Greatly Loved by God
Take Every Thought
Jars of Clay
What Do Your Words Reveal about Your Heart?
How Do You Get Strong Faith?
Too Busy for God's Word?
How Do You Think Like Jesus?
Reflections from a Mom
Pain—What's It Good For?
Why Marry?
Consider the Robin
One Life Who Made a Difference
What Day Are You Living In?
Interrupted by God
Is Jesus Really the Answer to Everything?
Are You Beat Up?
What's Your Hurry?
Are You a Manipulator?
Are You Salty?
Are You Condemned?
Trying to Understand?
Do You Expect Answers to Your Prayers?
Do You Eat Your Stress?
Need Focus?
Going through Trouble?
Immanuel—God with Us
Looking for a Relationship?
When God Says, "No!"
What Do You Do with Left-Overs?
How Great Is Your God?
Are You Needy?
How Do You See Sin?
What Do Your Words Mean?
Is Evil Overwhelming You?
Those Aha Moments
Is Your Soul Happy?
Are You Ignored?
Looking for the God Moment
Do You Know Truth from Almost Truth?
I Believe in Jesus—What Now?
Do You Have Your "Son"-Glasses On?
Less Is More
Singing His Praise
Are You Trying To Do It All?
What Do You Do with All These Prayer Requests?
Have a Problem?
Do You Know How to Pray?
Looking for God in Every Moment
Are You Receptive to God's Blessings?
Tell the Senate: Mothers Aren't Birthing People
Is Your Life Complicated?
How Do We Fight Evil?
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Giving Up or Taking Away
the Bible is simple
Are You a Dripping Faucet?
What's Your Testimony?
The Final Move
Be Careful What You Wish For!
Are Your Prayers Answered?
I Choose Joy
What Have You Learned from Your Hardship?
Who Are You Trying to Change?
What's Your Five-Year Plan?
The Danger of "Aloneness"
My Colors
Are You a Whiner?
Are Your Works Approved?
Do You Think You're Stressed?
Is Your Soul Feeling Ragged?
God Speaks to the Heart of the King
What about the Details?
Have You Felt the Long-Suffering of God?
How Does God Lead You?
Do You Have Enough?
Don't Carry More than You Need
Cast the Seed
God Is Faithful
Are You Deceived?
Are You Essential?
Are You Safe?
Are You Tired of the Same Old Thing?
Does the World Make Sense?
Have You Seen God's Majesty?
Do You Feel Judged?
If You Only Had One More Day To Live
Are You Understood?
Do You Long for the Word of God?
Slow Down and Smell the Dead Leaves
Are You Hospitable?
Our Heritage Is Bought by Blood
Are You Disturbed?
Are You Depressed?
I Did It My Way
Finding the Simple Life with Meaning
The Simple Life
Do You Have the Right Words?
Did Your Dream Die?
On the Other Side of the Fence
Marijuana, Mental Illness, and Violence
Confessions of a Desperate Mom
Saving for Tomorrow
A Wedding Remembered
Who Will Stand in the Gap?
Are You a Protector or a Ruler?
Who Are You?
Are You an Image Bearer or a Wad of Cells?
Are You a Watchman?
Where Do You Find Meaning?
The Lamb of God as Told by a Scribe
What Love Is This?
Remember: The Symbols of Passover Explained
Tea and Rest
Do You Have Peace?
What Makes a Marriage Work?
When Life Is Awful
Are You Strong Enough?
Rules
Seasons
Be Faithful through Suffering
Do You Know the Word?
Wake Up! Strengthen What Remains
Are You Spit in God's Mouth?
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Do You Stand Against Satan Himself?
Are You Tired of Being a Mom?
What in the World Is Happening?
It's Not My Story
How Would Your Faith Compare?
Are You Sinking?
Are You a Rule Follower?
Useful for Him
An Intimate Moment with Mary
The Worldview that Makes the
Underclass
Thoughts to Ponder
What Does It Take To Know the
Heart of God?
See the Story in the Stars
Do the Scriptures Burn You?
Being in His Presence
Contentment: It's Not for the Timid
How Secure Are You?
How Do You Respond To Stupid People?
The Earthworm Is My Hero
Heart Issues or Issues of the Heart
Things Aren't Always What They Seem
More faith articles are found here:
under the Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Or here:
under the Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Articles on Suffering can be found here,
under Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Special Days
Remember: The Symbols of
Passover Explained
Aug 12, 2017 The Heavens Declare the Glory of God
July 4th, Freedom
What Is an American Soldier?
Valentine's Day: A Day of Love?
Memorial Day-A Day To Remember
Veterans' Day-To Honor Our Men
Fall Colors
First Thanksgiving Day
Proclamation
Christmas: Stories behind the Songs
Christmas: Stories behind the Songs, part 2