I write about what you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what Him.
               Sonya Contreras

Where You Go, I Will Go

Ruth said this, not to her husband (who had died), but to her mother-in-law. They left her land because of a famine to return to her mother-in-law's land.
Ruth would leave the support of her family, her comfortable surroundings, what she knew and go with her mother-in-law. 

Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay.

I often see this verse at weddings, but do we women want to go anywhere our husbands go?

Reading the life of David Livingston, I would not want to be his wife, Mary. She followed her husband across the Kalahari desert—twice. She lost a child shortly after birth, suffered a stroke, and died of malaria—all because she went where her husband went.
William Carey’s wife, Dorothy, went with him to India, obeying outwardly, but inwardly resenting the entire adventure. She went mad.
Families today move to where the woman has a good job, requiring the man to tag along behind and hope for a job he can and wants to do—because the woman “makes more than the man.” What does that do to a man? 
We have talked before about allowing our men to protect and provide for us. (SEE Letting Your Man Protect.
That is their role. 

We. as women, tell ourselves that we want our men to lead us, but do we?
Or are we lip-sayers—telling our hearts what we should be doing, but knowing we are still in control?

We want our say, and that is fine. But our husbands are still responsible for where they lead their family.

It is not just in where we live that we must allow our husbands to lead. He must lead in all things, even spiritual— even if he is not a Christian.

Do you want your children to obey? When they see you manipulate your husband or be subversive in how you do things, it gives them “permission” to disobey. After all, mommy doesn’t obey daddy, why must we obey either of them?

Do you justify your own rebellion because your husband does not treat you well?

How do you respond when your children disobey you? Are you always controlled and without anger?
Is it any wonder your husband has trouble when you don’t respect him?
Instead of a united front before your children, you present an unstable foundation.
Your children will soon pit one parent against the other to achieve their own way—and win.

What if you know your husband is making a wrong, selfish decision? 
Does that justify your disobedience? Do two wrongs ever make a right?
Yes, it’s not easy to live under someone who is selfish. 
But by obeying, God blesses your obedience, in spite of his “wrong” decision.

We think when we “volunteer” our obedience to our husbands, they should appreciate it.
And perhaps they should, but that is our duty.
Isn’t that what we promised at the altar–obey them. That means go where they must go.
More importantly, isn’t that what God told us to do?
Submit to our husbands.

As my boys reach a certain “manhood” age and know my expectations, I approach them differently than a toddler. 
When I know a son is going to argue and complain about what I tell him, I avoid him. I don’t ask him to do some jobs.
Instead of working as a family, he is left to do his own thing.
I don’t even want to be around him.

He argues with me. He questions everything I do.
I withdraw.
I avoid him.
I have to force myself to even talk to him.

Now consider your husband. If you argue with your husband about his decisions.
You question him, or even manipulate him to get what you want, is it any wonder he withdraws and does not lead? (Do you expect him to fight back? He won't.)
Why should he talk with you about the children, their education, or their actions when you will do what you want anyway?
Why speak, if he will be corrected and must defend every word?
Your husband does not lead, you do. 
Do not deceive yourself into thinking you want your husband to lead. You enjoy the control it gives you.

But your foundation is not built on God’s principles, you will lose your children and your husband.
You will think, “Poor me, if only my husband would take an interest in us and care."
It is by your manipulation, correction, questioning, that he falls to silence and apathy.
You have destroyed your own house.

Not only in leading will you find that he is silent. Your rebellion will widen the gap between your relationship.
Why? He is disrespected.
Just as my relationship with a son who ignores my instruction becomes estranged, so your relationship with your husband will first become awkward, then strained.
Instead of going where he goes, you will spend time with your own hobbies, girl friends, or other ways not to be home.

Pretty soon he spends more time at work, or the gym, or somewhere else. Why come home?
He finds ways to be respected elsewhere, or feels depressed and doesn’t do anything. Instead of wanting to be with you, he finds reasons to be away.
[In Protecting Our Men, I described how we should draw our husbands home.]

You once walked together, but now your ways have widened and you are heading different directions.
You have lost your best friend.

Sometimes it is not to go where your husband goes, but to stay where your husband stays.
I see the direction of our state and want to run from it.
My husband feels no leading by God to leave. (If I’m honest, I don’t either, I just feel the fear that I must give back to God.)
I could make my husband's life miserable, by harassing, begging, nagging, suggesting (whatever you want to call it) him to change, so that he would do what I want. 

But do I really want the responsibility of directing my family?
The weight when things go wrong would be great.

When my husband was deployed, he would remind me it was what God wanted—for the entire family.
I did not have to bear the weight of that responsibility. I did not have to second guess whether he should stay in the army. That is his decision. Yes, we talk about it. But he makes the ultimate decision. And I don't tell him, "I told you so," when things go wrong. He decides.
I just do the next thing that's required of me.

Nagging him to do what I want, not only distracts him from what he should be doing, but takes energy and time from what I should do.
God does not give me strength for that. 
As his wife, I stay and do the next thing my husband needs.

Recently my husband made a quick trip to Monterrey for the army. He asked me to go.
Without thinking, I said, “Sure.”
Than my mom mode kicked in and I said, “What was I thinking? I must take Josh to  baseball practice and work. And what about Jeremiah?”

The boys heard us talking. Josh said, “Go, Mom. I’ll work it out.”

I still hesitated. My mothering is at a different stage than before when I had little ones, but still the pull of mothering made me hesitate to go.
My husband encouraged me to “let them do it.”

I went with my husband. It was a wonderful quick trip.
The break was refreshing. It re-affirmed my boys concern and care. It was a good uninterrupted time with my husband.
It is not convenient nor easy to go. Getting the house, laundry, meals, garden—ready for just a two day trip sometimes seemed not worth it.
But I went where my husband was. 
I did not spend the two days worrying about the boys. (My husband said they would take care of things. I trusted them.)

My husband knew my heart beats for him. For what he needs. For what he wants. He felt respected.
And I felt loved.

Where You Go, I Will Go. Where You Stay, I Will Stay.
It's not always easy, but is what we must do.

Let’s work to be women where our husbands are.

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Women's Roles
Find other articles about women's roles here:
The Sacrifice of Obedience
Why Boys Fight? And Is that Good?
Is Your Family Different?
Created for Him reprint
Gender Differences Backed by Science
What Should Men Do? reprint
Where Are the Men? reprint
What Is Man? reprint
Man VS Woman: Making Man Act Like a Woman
Man VS Woman: Is It Eqality We Seek? reprint
How Do You See Sin?
Marriage Is a Covenant before God
Are You Precious?
What's a Mother-In-Law To Do?
A Promise Is a Promise
Happily Ever After
Point Lobos, Monterrey
Where You Go, I Will Go
Protecting Our Men
What Makes a Marriage Work?
And the Two Shall Be One
Do You Let Your Husband Love You?
An Added Resource for You
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Can You Say, "No"?
Are You Losing Your Mind?
Expect Great Things from God
The Making of a Man part 4
The Making of a Man part 3
The Making of a Man part 2
The Making of a Man
What Kind of a Crown Are You?
Do You Like Your Husband?
Is Your Husband a Pushover?
Did You Marry a Crazy Man? 
Is Your Husband Crushing You?
Are You Dependent?
Male vs Female: Is It Equality We Seek?
Are You a Nag?
Do You Have a Picky Eater?
A Way to a Man's Heart Is through His Stomach
Are You Challenged by Your Man's Challenges?
Happily Ever After
Are You Appreciated?
Do You Feel Loved?
Valentine's Day: A Day for Love?
Valentine's Day: Help Your Husband Out

Created for Him
Do You Help Your Husband?
Made To Conquer

Women Working
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How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Stay at Home?
Margaret Thatcher, She Changed the
    World, But What about Her 

Biblical Manhood
Find more articles about Biblical Manhood here:
What Is Man?
Where Are the Men?
What Should a Man Do?

Biblical Womanhood
Find more articles about Womanhood here:
What Is Your Choice?
Letting Him Protect
Are You a Friend?
Who Controls the Money?
The Sacrifice of Thanksgiving: How 
   To Make Your Husband Love You

The Power of a Smile: How To 
    Make Your Husband Love You

Superwoman: Is She Believable?

Author of Biblical fiction, married to my best friend, and challenged by eight sons’ growing pains as I write about what matters.

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under the Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
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