Made To Conquer

February 24, 2016
Ever watch men play, or work, or do anything?
They are aggressive, invasive, combative, warring, forceful, vigorous, energetic, enterprising, initiators, instigators, movers, attackers, assailants, chargers…

God created man with a job. He was commanded to “subdue the earth.” (Genesis 1:28)

My husband has tried to explain to me that men (or boys) will compete over anything…how far they can spit, how accurate they can guess…
I used that to my advantage when they were little. “Who’s the strongest?”
The boys have since learned my tactics and now just ask, “Mom, what would you like me to do?”
But they still must prove that they did it. And I must be careful to give them credit for what they have done.

Men were made to subdue the earth.
We depend on men to conquer evil, to solve problems, to make the world better.
Why are those television programs about men conquering a poisonous snake so enthralling?
Why is football such a popular sport?
Why would anyone try to ride an untamed bull?
I use to ask, “Why?” when my sons would do something…instead of nurturing a stuffed bear, they had to wing it on the fan blades to see how long it would stay before it was ‘wung’ off. Now, to avoid my own frustration (they didn’t seem to be worried about it), I do not ask.

Why? (you asked anyway)
Because that is what drives men.

Satan didn’t approach the man to tempt him. Adam would have questioned him, fought him, controlled him, conquered him.
Satan went to the woman.
But one area where man does not seek to conquer is woman.
Man wants to protect her.
He’s not ruled by his feelings, except when it comes to his woman.
Adam was not deceived by the serpent’s lies. He disobeyed, knowingly, because of his woman.

My husband and boys are playing football. I wander out to watch.
All of a sudden they stretch a little farther, jump a little higher, and twist and hurt their back.
Sigh…why do they do that?
They want to impress women.
Show her their strength, their ability, their whatever.

A group of soldiers on a mission—have a mission. They are unified to meet that mission at any cost.
Put a woman in that group, and that mission is jeopardized if the woman needs help. They will cater to her, instead of focusing on the mission.
Growing up, with five sisters, I thought it was great that my sister played baseball with the guys. She was good, better than most.
But now, when my boys have to pitch to a girl, they pitched differently. Their pitches aren’t so hard. They allow the girl to get on base. They didn’t think about it. They just responded.

I want my boys to protect girls (but also keep their distance from them), but when women push their way into places where men are competing, I sometimes wish that men wouldn’t allow them preference. (By constantly invading their territory, women have forced men to shut down that protective mechanism. I’ve talked about that HERE.)

That is also how they are made.
Adam gave up his glory—the glory of man, that God gave him, to stay with his woman. He ate the fruit.
Man hasn’t changed today.

What is woman supposed to do with that?
Woman was made to be man’s help meet.
Should she be out there riding the bull with her man?
She wasn’t made for that. She was made to nurture, to respond, to pick up the pieces when he doesn’t quite ride the bull right, when he needs encouragement to get back on that hairy back, when he must try one more time. That’s where she excels. She’s a motivator, cheerleader, listening, encourager.

Women aren’t made to conquer. They are created to support their conquerors.
Ever notice that men are never sick, tired, or lost?
That is a sign of weakness for them to admit something as little as sleep could weaken them.
So when a man is sick, tired, lost or in pain…he’s a big baby.
I’m not a good nurturer. “Stay in bed if you’re sick. Don’t wander around the house and tell me how bad you feel. Prove it to me by not moving. Then I’ll know you really are.”
If my boys are going to work, fighting through a cold, I show concern…but if they can’t figure out when to stay in bed and they won’t listen to me when I tell them to stay in bed, then DRIVE ON and don’t complain to me about it. (I won’t raise any wimps.)
But if they do stay in bed, I will treat them as sick and help them. Until they stay too long…then I encourage them to get moving and DRIVE ON.
My husband tells me that I am just what they need…I wonder who is the encourager.

A few months back, my husband wanted to take us rappelling. (That’s swinging down 150 foot cliffs on a harness and a rope.) My boys were excited. Some had already taken courses to learn the right knots (so you don’t fall off the cliff wrong). My husband convinced me that I could do it (my hands sometimes crinkle up and won’t move). I went. After the last cliff that we ‘fell down,’ the young instructor asked me as he flexed his muscles, “Did you feel like you conquered those cliffs?”

I did not. I didn’t fall down those cliffs, because I needed a challenge. I repelled those cliffs, not because I had to conquer that mountain, not because I must prove myself. I fell off that cliff, tied to a rope, to be with my man and my boys. I wanted to see their accomplishments. I wanted to witness their success.

As it was, during the hike up the mountain, I fell so far behind them, that I never saw them until the end. Some stayed back to help me and cheer me down, especially when I couldn’t straddle a puddle and ended up stepping in it. One son was at the bottom of that particular cliff, waiting for me with a dry sock.
I didn’t do any cheering—I concentrated on the rule: ‘hold the rope, and don’t let go.’
In fact, I wondered who was the encourager, especially when my husband had to console me of my many ailments.
But I didn’t conquer anything, I was just with my family.
When my husband started planning their next great feat (the day after we returned), I told him, “How about trying to find a way for all of us to eat one meal together? Now that would be a major accomplishment!” They did not agree.

What if your man is not a conqueror? He won’t lead…He defers to you on child discipline…on Bible training…on everything.
Was there a time when he tried to discipline and you corrected him? You may not remember it, but he does. He won’t fight a woman…
Do you even doubt your husband’s salvation? He doesn’t go to church; he’s not interested in anything spiritual…So you lead the children in their spiritual education…
A wife assuming her husband’s role as leader will make a weak man, weaker.
God did not say submit when your husband obeys God. He said, submit. (Period)

You’ve corrected him so many times, that he won’t even offer a comment…you are overwhelmed, because you need his help, but he won’t help. If he does, you criticize, correct, or ignore what he says.
What do you do now?
Ask forgiveness from God and your husband. Work to submit to him. (Yes, work is the right word.)
Allow him to decide and do not correct what he suggests. (If he will even make a suggestion now.)
Get back to where you belong—being his help meet.
You’ll be less stressed.
He’ll become the leader.
People will see God in your relationship, even if your husband isn’t a Christian.
And God will be pleased.

Displaying 1 comment

Excellent article, hope many read it. Christian women simply do not know how to properly submit, so they need you to help them. Thanks for sharing.

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               Sonya Contreras

Author of Biblical fiction, married to my best friend, and challenged by eight sons’ growing pains as I write about what matters.

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