Are You A Friend? Part 3

We’ve discussed What is Man (Part 1) in his roles of king, warrior, teacher and friend.1

We’ve shown how society seeks to destroy manhood in Where are the Men? (Part 2).

We’ve presented principles to stand against society and show God’s way as truth in What Should a Man Do? (Part 3).

We considered how women help her husband in his role as king in What is Your Choice? (Part 1) 

Last week’s article discussed Letting Him Protect (Part 2). Women obey God and respect their husbands as warriors and teachers.

This article concludes this series about how women can help their man be a testimony to society of what God instituted. She has helped him with his kingdom, she allows him to protect, she learns from him. Now we see man as our friend.

 What is your husband’s passion? What drives him to preform? Do you encourage him to reach his challenges? I can give forty reasons why his idea won’t work, instead of telling him one reason he should try. I must strive to be my husband’s cheerleader.

You should “with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.”  Philippians 2:42

One wife hunted with her husband. They built the blind. They waited hours. They saw nothing. They shot at nothing. They said nothing. Finally, they took down the blind and headed to the truck. As they walked, her husband said, “That was great!” (p. 241)3

Another wife watched her husband complete his woodworking project. He looked at her and grinned. She grinned back. A few minutes later, he smiled again at her. She smiled back. Forty-five minutes later, he said, “I don’t know what you’re doing, but keep it up!”3

Research studies confirm the male preference for shoulder-to-shoulder communication instead of face-to-face communication.  Four age groups: second graders, sixth graders, tenth graders, and twenty-five-year olds were evaluated. Instructions for each male or female pair were exactly the same. Enter room. Sit down. Talk if you wish.

Every pair of females, no matter what their age, turned their chairs to face each other. They leaned forward and talked.

Males did not move. They sat side by side looking straight ahead except for an occasional glance at each other.

The researchers assumed the females with their face-to-face contact would have the most intimate bonding. Their actual results showed the tenth-grade males were willing to battle and to die for each other.3

Has your husband withdrawn from you? Spend time with him without talking. Do it for twelve weeks.  Will he be energized? Yes. (p. 247)3

Spend time with your friend.

Respect his time with friends. “When a partner isolates their spouse from friends, associates, and public places, it’s called domestic abuse. When it’s done to an entire gender, it’s called feminism.” (p. 118)4 Trust him with others. He is not your child.

Sometimes your husband hurts you. Believe he intends good not evil. Your hurt is unknown to him. He cannot read your mind. Tell him then commit to forgive. Forgiveness is the opposite of judging. Forgiveness enables you to obey God’s Word to respect him. (p. 105)3

Forgive your friend.

Do you find Valentine cards that speak of respect? He knows you love him. But do you respect him? One man wrote: I received a ‘respect letter’ from my wife. Not only did I save it, I re-read it. I guess if there’s one fan I want in the world, it would be my wife. (p. 212)3

Tell your friend you respect him and why.

Men are responsive to what they see. Husbands need their wives’ understanding of their struggles and temptations.  His sexual temptations are common to all men. Do not shame him nor doubt his faithfulness because he shares his struggles. He needs you to try to understand.

Help give release to his sexual needs. You can choose to be responsive even with a headache.

Do not manipulate him by depriving intimacy until he does something for you. He shouldn’t have to earn it. He’s not a dog to be rewarded with a bone when he does well. This disrespects his maleness. He was created this way. Give willingly even initiating it.

You do not condemn yourself when you need love. You need emotional release. Your husband needs sexual release just as you need emotional release. That is how he is made. Honor that.

“The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man…and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:23-242

When two become one, God gives unity, completeness, wholeness. We reflect His design. He shows His way. We live His truth. Society does not understand. They envy, attempt to mimic it and desire it, but they do not want to obey God to receive it.

He is king. He is warrior. He is teacher. He is friend.

By giving him his kingdom, you become his queen.

By allowing him his battles, you are protected, secure, safe.

By standing back and listening, you learn.

By giving of yourself, you become not only his friend but his soulmate.

He is king, warrior, teacher and friend.

By following society’s ways, manhood is destroyed. And women must do it all.

By following God’s way, two become one. The couple stands against society, shows a kingdom built on a firm foundation, a war worth fighting, instructions worth sharing, and a friend who will not only stand by you, but will die trying.

Respect is such a small thing to give for such blessings. Do I want to fight against God? How about you, will you fight against God---with its self-destructive ways?

To read about my struggles respecting as our boys become men, see our Christmas letter, The Forever Year: Respect, 2012.

To understand your man and how he thinks, see Butterflies and Buffaloes, 2011.

1Weber, Stu. Tender Warrior: God’s Intention for a Man. Multnomah Books, 1993.

2All Scriptures are New American Standard Bible. The text of the New American Standard Bible may be quoted and/or reprinted up to and inclusive of five hundred (500) verses without express written permission of The Lockman Foundation, providing the verses do not amount to a complete book of the Bible nor do the verses quoted account for more than 25% of the total work in which they are quoted.

3Eggerichs, Emerson. Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs. Colorado Springs, CO: Thomas Nelson, 2004.

4Smith, Helen, PhD. Men on Strike:  Why Men are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream and Why It Matters. NY: Encounter Books, 2013.

Displaying all 5 comments

Sonya, your website is looking so nice! Thank you for this article. Good reminder about spending quiet time together as a couple. I need to talk (a lot), but he may need quiet companionship. Thanks for your ministry in writing.

We've talked about this and I know all this, but friendly reminders are always a blessing. Thanks.

Thanks, Helen.
Appreciate the prayers.
The battle rages.

You did it again, Sonya. How we need this message in a self-absorbed world. You are in my prayers!

Author of Biblical fiction, married to my best friend, and challenged by eight sons’ growing pains as I write about what matters.

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Tell of My Kingdom's Glory
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